I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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