I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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