my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
