Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
