I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
