What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
