To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize