they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
