I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
