My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
