Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
