ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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