yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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