Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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