ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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