Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
