OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Damn victory sex feels great
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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