Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize