Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
