We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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