I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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