Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
