It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
