Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
