Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
