nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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