My nipple is on Facebook.
handjob tips. give me some.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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