Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
