Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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