when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
