Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
