He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh