you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.