Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?