Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information