Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
