If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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