I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
