If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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