his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
