Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
