Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
