it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
