There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
