So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
