I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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