you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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