Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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