Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
