I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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