forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
