I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize