Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
