Only a mothe r could love this liver
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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