Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
