erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
