the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
