Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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