Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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