Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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