I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
