I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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