I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
