it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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