I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
