I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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