I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
