I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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