That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
