Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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