you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
